When Holding On Hurts More Than Letting Go: A Forgiveness Workshop

“It’s interesting how pain and suffering can sometimes open a door.”

Back in 2018, Elvia Garcia, one of the founders of Yolo Conflict Resolution Center (YCRC), was facing a spiritual crisis. She was part of a Buddhist community when its spiritual leader abruptly left amid accusations of abuse of power and sexual misconduct. “How could I not see this?” she asked herself.

Having worked for years in the field of community mediation and restorative justice, Garcia was no stranger to experiencing or witnessing harm and repair. She founded YCRC in 2014 after a conflict resolution program she was leading with the City of Davis, CA, was defunded. Recognizing the continued need for this work, Garcia and several colleagues came together to create YCRC. What began as a community-centered conflict resolution resource later expanded to include restorative justice. The purpose of YCRC, in Garcia’s words, is “to bring peace to the world by building relationships, one conversation at a time.”

When she faced this spiritual crisis, and the pain of shame and confusion, Garcia realized she needed more tools in her toolbox— particularly around navigating forgiveness. She embarked on a journey that included training with Eileen Barker of The Forgiveness Training Institute, to become a forgiveness coach, a process she describes as helping her write a new story about her experience—one rooted in self-compassion and empowerment. Letting go of anger and resentment was life-changing in her healing process, and with it came a level of confidence she had not experienced before.

Almost immediately, lightbulbs began going off as Garcia connected the dots between forgiveness and her work in conflict mediation and restorative justice. She noticed that when participants in mediation or restorative justice conferences were “stuck” and unable to move toward resolution, they were often holding on to feelings of blame and resentment that prevented healing. Helping participants reflect on how forgiveness of self and others could expand options for resolution and healing made a huge difference. She now brings this lens to her work, recognizing how conflict resolution, restorative practices, and forgiveness are deeply intertwined.

Garcia shares a powerful example of how these practices intersect. While mediating a dispute between an unlicensed teenage driver and the owner of a truck she damaged, the driver initially dismissed the impact of her actions. Once she was able to understand how important the truck was to its owner, it paved the way for both of them to see each other’s humanity. While it didn’t change the harm that was done, it shifted the focus from blame to accountability and healing.

“We often think that forgiveness is about letting people off the hook,” Garcia says. Instead, she explains, it recognizes how holding on to anger can continue to harm the person who was hurt in the first place. “It’s like the saying: taking poison yourself and expecting the other person to die.”

Garcia will be sharing a taste of her larger forgiveness series on Thursday, February 5, 2026, from 12p–1p PT. No matter where you are in your forgiveness journey—whether you’re ready to let go or simply forgiveness-curious—this workshop is for you.